Thursday, November 24, 2011

A friend in need.

I stare at Bahirah and shoot her a 'what the hell is on your face' kind of look. She ignores me and continues to curse at her phone. Except she's shouting at it this time. And as she expresses her anger, I notice that her eyes are tearing up. Flailing her left hand wildly in the air, and clutching her cellphone in her right, she yells,"YOU IGNORANT FOOL! NOTHING I SAY WILL EVER GO THROUGH THAT FUCKING THICK SKULL OF YOURS! YOU'RE EGOISTIC AND SELF-CENTERED,  PATHETIC EXCUSE OF A MAN YOU AREEE!"
She throws her phone against the wall, looks up at the ceiling and lets out a loud piercing raging scream, and shaking her fists in the air. It's very very frightening to see her in a state like this. It's as if I'm seeing the actual exorcism of Emily Rose right in front of me, only now, she isn't possessed by ancient-man-eating-spirit demons but possessed by a maddening rage. Verily, this is a side of her I have never seen before, ever, in my life. My dear friend is in an intolerable pain. Have you ever felt your anger boil over to the point where you're at a loss for words, you just want to let out a satisfying scream instead? You'd just feel so numb after that; your knees go limp, your body suddenly feels weak, your mind drifting elsewhere. I would imagine that is how Bahirah feels right now.  I watch her as she slowly drops to her knees, her body seems to sway for a moment, and, as if the angel of death has come to take the life out of her, she lets out a small exhale and lets her limp body drop to the floor. Laying her body sideways, she curls up into a ball on the floor, tears streaming down her face. I lay next to her, and put my arms around her.
 We stay that way, for a while. 

"I'm tired. I just want to turn away and leave everything behind," She says quietly and quieter still, "I feel so.. numb.."

What sad words you speak of, dear friend.

"Don't lose yourself now, Bahirah, I-"

"I just want to close my eyes.. and never open them... ever, again.."

Just as I'm about to open my mouth to protest, she beats me to it.
"Just this time... don't say a word and let me be.. Just this one time..."

I hug her even tighter, and she starts to cry again, uncontrollably.. but now partly with relief.

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