Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Somethings are best left unsaid.

This semester's crossed the finished line with a huge, big bang. Won last place, and still earned a trophy, a tiny one, but somehow, very appreciative. Congratuditez. Okay, cut the crap, let's get on with it then.
I am a person who follows her nudges, her instincts rather than senses the second I detect something, anything at all, good or bad, the right thing to do, or be it the stupidest. (I can't help it, some people are just built this way..) At one point, I've come to a nudging realization that, following these random nudges may lead to eternal, irrevocable mistakes, mishaps, unfortunate events, conflicts, controversies which may lead to manifold confrontations and awkward moments. So far, reflecting my journey through one magnificently huge magnifying glass, I' believe that, no matter how much I want to deny it, no matter how much I want to ignore them, the nudges will never leave me alone, unless I make life and death decisions nudge-based. Call them instincts, if you wish, but I prefer, nudges, hunches.
Sometimes, I'd regret the outcome, with that overwhelming wave of guilt mixed with sorrow and regret. Sometimes, I'd jump up and down screaming to the top of my lungs with joy and tears of never-ending-bladder-busting laughter. Sometimes, I'd just sit, and wait (with patience.. yes, i do try..), and if it's still on hold, I'd wait some more.. and more if the occassion calls for it.

I'm sorry,
I know I can be immature and inconsiderate when speaking or, when making decisions.. I wasn't thinking.
I'm sorry for making you put up with my childish mistakes, you know how I can be at times, and only you do.
I'm sorry,
You've always been there and will always be there, I'm sorry for denying it.
I'm sorry, because I am such a coward.
This heart can only love you more and more each day, with every beat.

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